I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
