We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
