So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
