Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
