GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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