Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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