Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My vagina is very pro this idea
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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