I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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