Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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