why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
