Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
oh god was she eating orange peels again
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
