1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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