Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
