But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
