I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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