So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
