Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
