hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
