Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
