I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
