This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It all started with a game of naked twister.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
