I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
