Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
