she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
