if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
