I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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