So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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