Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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