Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
