Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
