So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
vagina is talking i cant
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
