yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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