I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
