Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
