dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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