You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
