Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
