you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
