Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
