There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
