How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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