is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
