Its about making memories worth repressing
only you would photoshop your dick
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
