Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
