Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
