We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
