It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
