you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
