Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
