I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
