haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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