I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
