I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
