it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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